Back to the dream. Well, let me start a little bit before the dream. I was doing some bible study and it was talking about the language of the Holy Spirit, tongues. I wasn't really raised talking in tongues or really even talked about it. The older I get and the more I study the more I see the relevance in it. I've studied where when you are filled with the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues it is like your directly having the Holy Spirit surrounding you. So, that's what I did before I went to sleep. I just talked/prayed to God in tongues. I had no idea what I was saying other than Aba, father, but I felt something come over like a rush of water all over my body. Then, when I felt ready I fell asleep.
You see, for me, one thing I keep asking God is, "please just let me get a glimpse of my boys or even just one of them and how they look now." I would do this on my way to work and random times throughout the day. I gave that request in my heart this night before I fell asleep.
So, in my dream I felt like I was just getting done with a 5K race of some sort (I'm training for a 5K now). So I didn't think anything of it having a dream of running a 5K. The weird thing though was when I got into my car I was in the middle seat with someone else driving and I just had the feeling Crystal was behind me in the backseat. Out of no where a stranger got into the vehicle and sat next to me. I felt tired, so I didn't really think anything of it I just thought the kid, about older elementary to middle school age, needed some rest himself. The next thing was really weird. The boy put his head on my shoulder. I was in shock for a bit, but again thought it was because the kid was just tired and needed some rest, so I let him be. The next thing I remember is having a similar feeling on my arm...tears. You see when my wife and I are together and crying many times she will lay her head on my shoulder and I can just feel the tears fall on my arm. That was the exact feeling I felt with this boy in my dream. I remember thinking in my head, "poor kid...I understand." The dream went on for a while of the tears falling with him on my shoulder the next part is when it gets crazy.
All of a suddon the boy stops crying and gets out of the vehicle. He walks over to a group of people gets something and walks back to me. He stands right infront of me and hands me this small crocheted yellow design with a blue outlining. What was weird was that the color yellow looked so familiar. You see, I have been crocheting a granny blanket for Crystal which had a yellow middle design with a blue outlining, so I thought it was weird how he would hand me something like this. But...I took a closer look at it and see a small sowed on tag that I think in my dream state took it as saying, "threads of love" and then it hit me. The yellow was from the bonnet that the nurses in Abilene put on Elijah's head when they took photos of him for us. I still remember that nurses name, Luelan Lawler, I hope I spelled it right. So, all of a sudden I realize what he handed me or what it resembled and all of these thoughts started flying through my head, "was this race for Jeremiah? How did this kid get this? Why does he have this?" Then I looked at the boy and for some reason he looked familiar with his darkish hair and a faint tan skin tone. I've never seen him before I think, but for some reason I felt drawn to him! The next thing I know a flash comes over me and I just grab the boy and pull him into me as hard as I could and I start crying harder than I have since we lost Jeremiah. I am just sobbing in my dream and holding onto this boy like I never want to let him go. Then, I turn around to get crystal's attention and I hear her voice waking me up.
Crystal - "Paul, Paul are you ok?"
Me - "Yeah, I'm fine what's wrong baby"
C - Cause your chest and your breathing was all over the place like when you cry really hard.
You see when I cry, like when we lost our boys, my breathing is very hard, so I have to take quick big breathes while crying. This makes my chest move up and down quickly as I try to breath....just like in my dream. Now, I've had dreams about my boys many of times as infants never as older kids. With all of those dreams I've never cried so hard my body was actually crying outside of my dream. But, that's what was happening. Crystal told me I was not having tears falling out, but the rest of my body was acting like I was sobbing. Sobbing....like when I was clutching that boy in my dream.
Another miraculous thing to us happened later that day. We were driving back to my parents and I just randomly brought up the dream to Crystal saying how crazy it was for me to react that way. As soon as I turned the corner I looked on the road and saw a frog. To many people that may not mean anything, but to us that was a sign of Jeremiah. For those that don't know the nurses and us would always sing, "Jeremiah was a bullfrog" to him while he was in the NICU. So, again a confirmation from God about my boys.
I can't say that the boy in my dream was Elijah or Jeremiah, but I can say that I've never felt that way about someone in a dream. So...you know what? Yes, that was one of my boys and they were beautiful! I honestly feel God blessed me with that dream to tell me my boys are with him in Heaven and they're here with me and thinking of me and waiting for the day I come to them.
We may not understand Gods plans, shoot we may not understand what we're saying to God when we're praying to him. One thing is true though. He is here for us even when we turn our backs to him for not recieving what we were praying for. These are not easy words for those that have lost someone during this Christmas time to accept, but God does love us and the one thing we can pray for as believers is to one day walk into those pearly gates and see our loved ones, my babies, waiting for me with Jesus on the other side.
God Bless everyone and Merry Christmas.
Always Loved, Never Forgotten
